Crossraods & Courage

A recent Twittier post by David Boreanaz read, “Love the silence and be in the moment. You may be surprised what you see and hear. Live to love."

 I’ve been living, if not loving, a lot of silence lately. To say that life has been stressful would be a gross understatement. And stress for me always leads to quiet contemplation… and quiet contemplation leads to writing.  I love to live in my own space and in my own mind at times. It isn’t often that I want to open up to those outside my inner, trusted circle. I’m usually disappointed when I do.

So, I still find it an amazing that I have met someone that I want to open up to. For me, this takes courage. Sounds silly, but I am terrified of sharing my feelings with someone when I am not sure what the reaction will be. I’m not talking about opinions. I am more than comfortable sharing my opinions with any and every one. I’m talking about the deep, personal feelings and thoughts we all have. The ones that, when kept private, are safe, but when shared and rejected, can bruise and batter.

This is why I am such a fan of the written word. Putting things down on paper allows you to view your heart in black and white – and paper doesn’t criticize. Paper doesn’t make you feel like a fool for expressing yourself. Paper is a quiet friend that helps you work out your thoughts.

With relationships constantly twisting and shifting (not always in a good way) and life constantly tossing out obstacles, it is nice to have that steady, silent friend.  But the time is coming where I would like to have more. More with my relationships… more with my job… more with my writing… just more in general.

My life seems to be approaching a crossroads and I know that the next few years will be laced with monumental changes. When I hit that point, it’s anyone is guess what direction I take.  The future is always unsure, but one thing I know for certain is that I will always be strong… I will always be independent… I will always be myself… and I’m ready for an adventure. 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers

Social Networking

Oh Social Networking… a blessing and a curse. In the past you had to leave your home to meet people, apply for a job, and get a date… now you just need to turn on your computer.  We have blogs to express opinions, Facebook for reconnecting with old friends, meeting new friends, and promoting businesses, Linked-In for finding fresh and helpful business contacts, Twitter for pretty much everything (including celebrity stalking), Dating Sites for those too shy or busy to get a date the old fashioned way and Myspace for perverts (because honestly that is all that can be found on Myspace these days.)

Companies once had business meetings about conferences and marketing advertisements; now discussions include webinars, Facebook and Linked-In pages, and upcoming email newsletters.

It seems the world has certainly taken off on a technology kick… and it’s a good thing. The internet has made it so simple to keep informed about, well, everything. I can now, literally, ask my phone a question and my virtual personal assistant, Siri, will scan the web to find an answer. I get updates on friends, fun and business through Facebook, Twitter and Linked-In. I can check my email and bank account while waiting in line at the grocery store. Being an informed, successful individual has been made almost too easy.

What do I mean by too easy? Despite the blessing of technology, the curse of human error will always pop up to bite you in the tush. Have you ever sent an email too quickly or to the wrong person? Have you ever posted pictures or a status on facebook that you longed to take back? Have you ever followed the wrong person on Twitter? These things happen to the best of us… and with employers, potential dates and new contacts all looking on, it makes the world of social networking feel a bit dicey.

Just remember the #1 Simply Logic Rule: Don’t share too much. It’s easy and therapeutic to post Facebook and Twitter updates on the heartbreak of your recent breakup, or to blog about how irritating your boss can be, but this information will eventually be read by the people you want to keep it from. It’s like putting your diary online for the world to view. It’s still the internet and nothing is private in the internet world. Even online, rules of interaction still apply - if not more so. So, to recap, Don’t Talk to Strangers, Be Moderate, Don’t Over-share, and, most importantly, Have Fun!

The Favorites

Since my day is being so highly irritating, I've decided to compose a list of all my favorite things. This should be fun and hopefully brighten my dreary cold-weather mood. Here it goes.

Actor/Actress: Jason Statham / Sandra Bullock

Animal: Shark

Bad-for-you Indulgence: Wine (though a glass of red wine a day has been said to be good for you)

Band:  Bon Jovi

Book: Romeo & Juliet (yes, I know its cliché)

Candy: Godiva 72-85% dark chocolate

Color: Blue

Daily Necessity: Coffee

Exercise: Kickboxing

Food: Spaghetti

Fruit: Strawberries

Guilty Pleasure: American Idol

Holiday: Halloween

iPhone App: Wells Fargo (ridiculous I know, but it’s entirely too convenient)

Letter: J (for obvious reasons)

Month: November

Movie: Boondock Saints

Number: 5

Outfit: summer dress and boots

Person: My Daddy - he is way too awesome and is the best cook ever

Quote: "Remember to always be yourself... unless you suck" – Joss Whedon

Song Lyric: “Life’s a roller coaster ride… the ups and downs will make you scream sometimes…” – Lie to Me by Bon Jovi

Relaxing Thing to Do: take a hot bubble bath

Restaurant: NY Pizza & Pasta on Neches in Beaumont

Ringtone: Dirt Road Anthem by Jason Aldean

Scent: the pages of a new paperback novel

Season: Fall

Silly Thing to Do: Sing and dance  to the radio

Social Media Outlet: Facebook (thought Twitter is slowly converting me)

Song (This Week): Strong Enough by Adam David 

Soundtrack: Once More with Feeling (the Buffy Musical Episode) - it's hilarious

Sibling: Cheyenne - my too cool Bubbie 

Thing to Dislike: Broccoli

Time of Day: late afternoon

TV Show (currently on the air): Supernatural

TV Show (of all time): Buffy

TV Show Character: Jess from New Girl

I'm Back...

So, it's only been about 8 million years since my last post. But, since my last "caffeine-inspired" blog, my life has become something ridiculously close to a Lifetime movie. Actually, a Lifetime movie is more believable than what has been in the works lately.

First, the obvious change, Kenneth and I are no longer together... Guess that small but classy wedding we talked about will just not happen. Took awhile - hence the non-posting - but I've realized that some things happen for a reason and it's for the best. Cliche, yes, but true. 

Also, since my last post, my father and I have had a major falling out. Crazy, since he's such an amazing dad (not really) but I've finally had enough of his drama and have ceased speaking to him (at least for the time being.) It probably had something to do with him dating my fiance's mother and getting her pregnant while Kenneth and I were still dating and living together. Highly awkward. As an update, his mother and my father had a miscarriage, broke up (twice) and are now back together again. Theirs is a healthy kind of love.

Now, for the good things. Christmas and New Years passed in a decent fashion with no complaints from me. I got a Keurig coffee maker (AMAZING!) and spent time with my awesome family and friends. I got a raise, I've been working out (feeling good), I've been looking for a new place for my newly single self (kind of a fresh start), and I'm finally beginning to feel like 2012 might be a pretty great year.

I'm not naive enough to think that all of the drama is behind me - but I'm thinking that things are definitely looking up. Let's go 2012!!